NO MAN IS AN ISLAND
No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend's
Or of thine own were:
Any man's death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; It tolls for thee
John Donne 1624
In 1841 a newborn boy was expected to live to 40.2 years compared to 79 years in 2011. Tragically in the 1840s around 15% of all babies died before their first birthday compared with 0.4% in 2011, there has been vast improvements in reducing infant mortality. The reduction in infant mortality and increased life expectancy is due to improvements in health care, immunisation procedures among other advances in medical science.
The increased life expectancy of both male and females is due to health improvements in the older population e.g heart disease treatment and advances in medicine. Why from 2001 to 2018, suicide and injury or poisoning of undetermined intent was the leading cause of death for both males and females aged 20 to 34 years in the UK, for all years observed, accounting for 27.1% of male deaths and 16.7% of female deaths for this age group.
I was teaching a class of year 13s and I paused for a moment to check my emails, on this particular day I was inextricably drawn to an email in my inbox, I clicked the message and as I read it I struggled to comprehend what I was reading. The email from parents whom were checking that I was indeed the same Mr Kenny that had taught their son 6 years earlier, since then I had moved schools twice. It was rhetorical in its phrasing they continued to disclose the tragic news that their son Tom had taken his own life a few weeks earlier. The email didn’t provide much detail, they did let me know that Tom had been in a lot of pain before he passed. What struck me from reading their email was their resounding strength in this most tragic of all circumstances.
A pupil called out from the back of the classroom, I didn’t quite hear them the first time, they reiterated ‘Mr Kenny, sir! ‘ to get my attention, I had zoned out completely whilst reading the email and was no longer in the room so to speak. I stood up from my chair apologised to the pupil who just requested my attention but found myself sharing that I just received some devastating news regarding my former pupil. I probably did what most people would have done in that situation and carried on teaching the rest of the lesson…..
At the end of the lesson I went back to my desk and re-read the email several times in sheer disbelief. Shock is a difficult thing to comprehend, when you are trying to get your head around something as inexplicable as suicide it confounds you, you have difficulty enough in being able to take in exactly what has happened coupled with disbelief and a numbness. My mind was full of confusion and unable to really process what had happened, I was asking myself questions but invariably had no answers to give.
The young man who took his life was only 24 years old at the time, I had taught him both GCSE and A-level, he was one of my standout pupils on many, many levels. As a teacher it’s hard to recall the very first time you meet a pupil or indeed the impact that an individual has on you. When you start at a new school within a week you’ve probably met between 300 to 400 new pupils and your first encounters all blur somewhat, therefore almost making it impossible to remember one solitary encounter.
What makes Tom so different in my mind is that I can fully recall the very first time I met this young man because he made a lasting impression upon me from the very beginning. I had just joined the new academy in Kent, the school was in a very challenging situation, the art department in particular had gone through a significant amount of change. I was employed as part of a wave of new staff to turn the school around. The sceptical nature of the pupils at the school was understandable, they had a very poor educational experience, they were in the main part very reluctant learners, they treated new members of staff with suspicion and sometimes absolute hostility. I distinctly remember pupils asking as soon as they met me ‘how long are you going to stay?’. However, there was a small group of pupils who were the antithesis of this, they were receptive, open and welcoming, engaging and Tom was one of these pupils.
Tom was an outstanding pupil many many levels, he was without a shadow of a doubt one of the most talented artists in his year group, in particular what stood out was his attention for detail, I have met many fastidious people but none like Tom. This is not what only sticks in my mind, Tom was more than that, it was as if I had taught him for years, there was an immediate understanding between us, he was very engaging, confident, extremely popular, funny, smart with a maturity way beyond his years.
If you are a young male you are three times more likely to commit suicide than a female
If you are a young male you are three times more likely to commit suicide than a female. Although females attempt suicide more often than males, it is the males that are in one sense of the word more ‘successful’ at it and therefore take their own life in greater numbers. In 2019 the year Tom took his own life the rate of male deaths was 16.9 per 100,000 the highest since 2000. ONS data demonstrates in that time period in England and Wales men accounted for about three-quarters of suicide deaths 4,303 compared with 1,388 women. In 2018, 4,903 men took their own lives (17.2 deaths per 100,000 males, up significantly from 15.5 deaths per 100,000 in 2017). 75% of all suicides are male ONS figures
This means that on average more than 13 men a day take their own lives.
According to the Samaritans men aged 45-49 remaining at the highest risk of suicide, and an increase in suicide rates among people aged 25 to 44 in recent years continued in 2019. Suicide accounts for 3 times as many deaths as a car accident.
The parents of Tom went on to describe in their email that after Tom had taken his own life they were sorting through his personal belongings, they came across his art sketchbooks and a Portrait that Tom had painted of me as part of his A-level studies. They knew that Tom’s passing would be something that I needed to know – they reached out to me and invited me along to Tom’s funeral which I graciously accepted.
When I was in my late teens and early 20s I found myself going around for weeks on end with black cloud hanging over my head.
When I was in my late teens and early 20s I found myself going around for weeks on end with a black cloud hanging over my head. It would suddenly appear without warning and I couldn’t shake it, I didn’t know where it came from, most of the time as much as I tried to ignore it but it wouldn’t go away. I can still remember to this day the overwhelming mood-altering feelings constantly on my mind. Because of the nature of mental health issues, it’s impossible to know how the difficulties you experience are comparable to other people, there is just no way of knowing the absolute pain some people are in. In his book Chasing the Scream Johann Hari describes his own personal journey and relationship with mental illness, he was prescribed at the age of 18 by his doctor Prozac as a course of action. Johann eloquently describes how when he first took his first pill it was like a ‘chemical kiss’ and the subsequent feelings of elation that followed taking this pill. As a young artist I immersed myself in art, on some of my dark days I would visit places like The National, The Portrait Gallery or the Tate Modern Gallery, spending hours of my time meditating on famous works of art spanning hundreds of years.
It was at the Tate modern in London that I discovered Mark Rothko’s abstract expressionist work on one of my many visits. I found a womb like comfort in the meditative space at the Tate that housed his Seagram Murals, the immersive environment and subtle lighting is integral to how Rothko wanted you to view his painting. When I leave the room and go back into the daylight something profound happens to me every time I visit. I am engulfed by pure emotion like a new born child emerging into the world, overwhelmed as my eyes fill with daylight and my soul feels rebooted.
One of the most powerful things about Art is you can make an emotional connection with a piece of work and you do not need to understand it or indeed the artist whom created it. I visited this room many times – always by myself – before I knew Rothko’s own tragic story. I connected with his artwork spiritually before delving deeper into the story behind his work. Sadly Mark Rothko was known to suffered from depression following his divorce from his wife. Mark Rothko was 66 when he took his own life 2 years before I was born, according to reports he had overdosed on barbiturates and cut an artery in his arm with a razor blade.
I never visited my GP when I was in my early 20s to discuss my feelings so therefore the path Found was more luck than design.
In his book Lost Connections Johann Hari informs us that his chemical romance lasted 13 years. At the age of 31 Hari stopped taking antidepressants altogether which isn’t something his book advocates, he went on his own journey of discovery, reconnecting with himself and symptoms of his sadness.
I never visited my GP when I was in my early 20s to discuss my feelings so therefore the path I found was more by luck than design. My meditation was visiting Galleries though it I achieved a mentally clear and emotionally calm state of mind. I cannot say that my black cloud was in any ways similar nor dissimilar to Johann Hari’s overwhelming sadness. However, through the my artistic practice I found a salient role in the contemplative repertoire to articulate feelings that words will never fill. I was able to transcend my black cloud and manifest my emotions in endless sketchbooks and on countless canvases. I studied intensely, read every book I could, challenged my previously held beliefs. I found my calling through my artistic endeavours, I know it is no panacea but its importance can never be understated.
Tom was a very popular young man, over 300 people attended his funeral, the chapel of rest was packed with family and close relatives, I stood amongst the many mourners outside who listened in silence as the priest delivered his sermon. It humbled me when the priest spoke about me and my impact I had Tom during the eulogy. Tears streamed down my face and I found it hard to breath, the pain of Toms death will never go away. I am privileged to have known Tom, to have taught him to and to have been part of his life. The pain we felt losing Tom must have been incomprehensible compared to the suffering he endured in his life before his death. Statistics paint a gloomy picture regarding male suicide, more men have died from suicide in the last year compared to armed conflicts and war since 1945, It is the number one killer for men under the age of 45.
Male suicide is something that is not discussed, no one would argue that men have difficulty talking about their emotions. When someone close to you takes their own life the impact is profound, the emptiness is proximal, primal, raw emotions take over and there are no words that come close to understanding or healing the overwhelming sadness.
‘Any man's death diminishes me, Because I am involved in mankind,'
We live in a world that is more understanding to mental health problems, celebrities like Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, UFC fighters like Paddy ‘The Baddy’, Ryan Reynolds, Kid Cudi and Olympian Michael Phelps are to name a few talking about their own struggles. We need to create a climate where it is not only ok the talk about this but also ask for help. ‘No man is an island’ was embedded into a sermon by John Donne in 1624 but it is as relevant today as it was 400 years ago. His sermon is about how as human beings we are connected all to each other, how inextricably linked we are, that the connection is not for the wellbeing and survival of any individual but for us all. ‘Any man’s death diminishes me, Because I am involved in mankind,’
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